So Confused
by Burnsidegirl
Summary: Tsuzuki and Hisoka, now in love, have to work through some problems. Muraki is still around which makes things harder on Hisoka. TH, MH, MT, WTat. Enjoy!
1. Nightmares and First Times

So Confused

This is my second yaoi and it's about my new fav anime/manga Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness). This is kind of a little theory I have and I'm writing it, it will come into the picture about chapter 2 I think. Couples are a little all over the place T/H, M/H, M/T, and W/Tat. That's it I think….--;;; hopefully. Well enjoy and remember to R&R.

Nightmares and First Times

It was the new moon and the night sky was pitch black, there were no stars and no lights below on the streets. The room the young couple stayed in was pitch black yet somehow the young blonde had still managed to fall asleep, though he didn't stay that way to long. Nightmares, asleep or awake, haunted the porcelain skinned Shinigami. Nightmares of that night so long ago, "No," he moaned, tossing and turning in bed, "get away please; I won't say anything…please," he whined, tears rolled on his soft cheeks staining the pillows.

"Soka?" called out a soft and gentle voice, "Hey it's just a nightmare, wake up," the gentle voice said again. He began to lightly shake the boy's shoulders. The young Shinigami moaned then screamed loudly as he woke, pushing the older, chocolate haired Shinigami away violently. Panting, he sat up and cried. "Hisoka….are you okay?" Two strong arms wrapped around the small waist of the younger boy.

"Tsuzuki, I….it happened again," Hisoka began to calm and the tears stopped falling. Tsuzuki turned him and they hugged, he gently stroked the soft blonde hair.

"Shhhhh…" he hushed, "I know, you were talking in your sleep again." He spoke softly.

"I was? I'm sorry did I wake you?" he asked in the same tone of softness.

"No, you didn't and it's alright, it's not your fault you have these dreams," Hisoka sighed in Tsuzuki's arms, suddenly he was no longer tired but instead very awake. He looked up to see Tsuzuki smiling softly down at him.

"Tsuzuki…do you still see me as a child?" he asked.

"No, I never did Hisoka" he smiled at Hisoka's reaction.

"Yes you did, liar!" He blushed slightly at the memory, hearing Tsuzuki chuckle.

"Well I don't anymore so calm down, you're almost more of an adult then me," he smiled seeing Hisoka's blush through a dim light from the bathroom.

"You left the bathroom light on for me?" he asked, his blush slightly spreading.

"Of course I did, I know you hate darkness because of…you know." Tsuzuki looked away at fear of mentioning it to him.

"It's okay Tsuzu, you can say it, I know I was raped," he said softly, leaning into the embrace once more.

"You know I love you right?" Tsuzuki asked in the most serious tone he had ever used.

"Of course I know that," he answered.

"And you know that I have been, and always will be, patient with you right." Hisoka looked into his eyes.

"You have been the best lover anyone could ask for. I must make you so impatient sometimes, to let you go so far and then stop you because I get scared. I'm so sorry." He said softly.

"Don't be sorry, you're just not ready yet, is all. It's completely understandable, I'll be patient as long as needed," He saw tears beginning to form in the pale Shinigami's emerald eyes. "Hey, don't cry, I hate it when your sad." He said, tilting his chin up to look at him, "It doesn't become you, you're so pretty when you smile. Come on, smile for me." Hisoka did so but there were still tears in his eyes. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"I don't know how you look at me, whenever you see me I know I am a reminder that Muraki is still out there. That has to be one of the ugliest things to know," he pulled away from Tsuzuki's welcoming warmth and covered his scarred body, "I'm so ugly," he said softly.

"No you're not; I don't really even see them anymore you know. Until Muraki dies then these are just as much a part of you as you piercing green eyes, your soft luscious lips, and your silky blonde hair. You're not ugly, as a matter a fact you're far from it; don't let Muraki's curse make you think like that, okay?" he said gently wiping the tears away.

"Okay," he smiled again, with more meaning. Before he even had a chance to react, a pair of soft warm lips were covering his own. Hisoka's eyes widened in shock, but soon that feeling went away and he fell into the tender kiss almost begging Tsuzuki to deepen it. His plea was felt, he could tell so as his "_partner's_" tongue began to softly play with his own. Tsuzuki brought him down to the bed and looked him in the eyes. Patient as he was he was still hopeful. "Tsuzuki…" Hisoka started.

"Yes," Tsuzuki responded, trailing kisses on the pale skin of the boy's neck.

"I think…I'm ready," Tsuzuki stopped abruptly.

"Are you sure?" he looked into his eyes and saw something very new, they were hazed with lust.

"Yes, I want to forget." He said in a sincere yet seductive tone, "I want to forget the torture and sick pleasure, I want to forget the nightmares…all I want to remember is you, and the way you feel inside of me, please," he almost moaned, "please take it all away and replace it with something better," Tsuzuki heard the want dripping from his soon-to-be lover's voice. "I'm just sorry I can't be a virgin for you like you are for me." Tsuzuki put a finger to his lips.

"That is not your fault, and besides," he began to whisper into Hisoka's ear, "virginity can only be given, truly, so you are still pure for me and I love you for that," and with that the coherent words were done for the night, only to be replaced by moans and the screams of the lover's names……

HI! I can't write lemons so I didn't (to risky points at parents in same room) so I just wrote this, remember this is only the first chapter there will be more, I just thought it would be nice to have Hisoka take that "leap" before the chaos started. Well R&R, and if anyone wants to write a lemon for this fic send it to me I'll check it and see if it's postable . (will update depending on reviews)


	2. I HAVE RETURNED

**I HAVE RETURNED!!! Now I am older and wiser then before. I feel so bad, I started to cry when i found out people were still watching me and my stories and yet I never knew. I love you all, after all these years you still follow along, well I am back and I am going to write again! I still have tears in my eyes while I type this. you guys will never know how much I love you all. I feel like i should revamp my stories now that my skill has only increased and very very soon you will finally receieve the updates you deserve.**

With much much love  
Burnsidegirl


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